With awards season upon us it is with great delight that the Llandudno Jet Set announce their inaugural Hero Of The Year awards. Those chosen for an award have surpassed expectations in showing the special qualities and temperament necessary for such an illustrious prize. The winners will be the first people to enter the Hall of Shame (just off the Avenue of Remorse and past the Cul-de-Sac of despair).
Ladies and Gentlemen this year honoured players are:
Robbie Savage
Martin Naylor
Lee Hunt
Lee Kendall
Robbie Savage - He would be Wales' forgotten man if he didn't keep reminding people of his existence. He simply adores winding people up. A combative midfielder in the sense that he likes to give it out but cannot accept similar treatment. For example when Arsenal played Blackburn last month he challenged Gilberto Silva roughly, when Gilberto reacted he dived to get Gilberto sent off before pleading with the referee to prevent the red card. He declared his international retirement and refuses to apologise as he must "be respected" or words to that effect. He declared his retirement after Tosh suggested that he eat fish with tomato sauce. He seems to think that it's OK for him to walk away but we shouldn't trust Tosh because he did the same 13 years ago. He once claimed that Wales Vs Azerbaijan was our biggest ever game just because he was playing in it.
Martin Naylor - If Savage were Harvey Nicholls, Naylor, the less-talented brother of Tony, would be the Matalan Rip-off. When football can appear divisive he can act as a uniting figure, someone that everyone loves to hate. He's not adverse to a bit of diving or thuggery for the cause. He virtually concussed Sion Edwards with a lunge earlier this season. This preening individual like to bask in the glory of his play, lounging around social clubs, safe in the knowledge that he never puts a foot wrong.
Lee Hunt - This elbow swinger also manages to unify the fans. When not colliding accidentally with goalkeepers he likes to study the different species of grass found upon the pitches of the Welsh Premier League. You can see him practicing his vocation during any game, all he needs is a slight brush as you saunter past. He appears to be particularly fond of Bangor's turf.
Lee Kendall - Mr Kendall enjoys the art of comedic performances. He certainly had everyone at Farrar Road in stitches in December. He's appears blissfully unaware that he's about as funny as Ben Elton on a bad day. He prefers to think that telling people about his life and his earning-power is some kind of witty retort, I can wait for the autobiography Lee. He fails to realise that he's not a "character" but merely a twice yearly irritation in a pair of padded shorts.
Lastly, don't worry gentlemen, what do I know? I am just a fan after all.
