Something has fallen in to my possession, something that could be used to devastating effect. What have I obtained; a machete? A poison pen writing kit? Weapons-Grade Plutonium? Despite the Jet Set's contacts it's none of the above, although I was offered a decommissioned ex-Soviet aircraft carrier last week.
The item that came into my possession was the Guide to the Welsh Premier League. I know, I have succumbed to the hype omnipresent in Football as on the historic scale of things it's hardly the Holy Grail. It could be used in a very devious manner however.
That's not to say that it does not have more benign uses. It contains all the useful nuggets of information that any self-respecting fan would want or need to know; record attendances, kit colours, record defeats etc etc. It also has useless facts for example; At the start of the season Bangor were 1 away loss away from 100 and 1 goal away from conceding 750, Llanelli were 2 goals away from conceding 800 and Rhyl needed 5 more away draws for 50.
There are profiles of managers and you can learn interesting details about them; Hulse used to play in Portugal and Germany, Gareth Owen has recently started his "A" coaching licence and Ken McKenna is one of the most charismatic managers in the League.
Officials also get the treatment: Darren Adie's in the Army, Rob Duncan enjoys horse racing, Huw Jones is a rally co-driver, Kevin Parry's main interest is Keep Fit, Ceri Richards refereed Holland V Estonia, Andy Harms likes to follow his "beloved " Everton and Mike Jones is known as "Shandy" in refereeing circles.
Perhaps the most extraordinary detail about this booklet is the personal details that are printed within. A less than charitable soul might decide to misuse the fact that the managers' and owners' telephone numbers are there in front of them. Imagine the fun; crank calls to Hulse, unwanted pizzas to sent McKenna, unsolicited packages sent to Mike Harris, oooh the fun you could have!!! Luckily I'm not like that but well done to the Welsh Premier League, another triumph!
